For the past month I have been trying to write a blog to sum up my feelings regarding the past year of my life. But every time I try to get out what I wanted to say, it didn't feel quite right. I couldn't adequately express the emotions I felt about, well, everything. I decided the best way to do that is through a video post, which when I have finally gathered all my emotions and thoughts into something coherent, I promise I will record and share with you.

In the mean time, there are some happy things I want to focus some attention on:

-I am now living in my very own apartment up in Woodley Park. I have never lived by myself before so this is going to be quite the experience. I would definitely have to say living in a studio has made me more organized than I have ever been in my life. Pictures soon ;)

-My job has finally entered it's "slow period" of the year. The days of working until 10pm have ended (at least until this coming fall).

-I have been working on a big, fancy project with Eddie (@EddieDuff)  and Nathan (@nathantillett). As we get closer to finishing, I will divulge details all about it. I am very excited and so happy for all the work both of them have been putting into it. 

-As far as my health is concerned, my Chemo ended in late December, but I have been having a few complications as a result. But don't count me out of the running just yet. I am hoping for some more positive news in April. In the mean time, I'm feeling fantastic, been running, and have a pretty cute fauxhawk thing going on with my hair these days.

-In addition to this blog, I am also working on two little side blogs and will be working on creating a fashinon blog for my Friend/Coworker/College Roommate, Carmen. I intend on getting her addicted to twitter asap.

I really just want to say to all my friends (both twitter and non-twitter alike) and especially my parents, you have no idea how much I have truly appreciated all of your love and support over this past year. Life has been utterly insane and I was so tempted to give up and leave DC so many times. But I stuck through it and I feel stronger for it.

This year is going to be better. My life is already better. I am so happy I am here.

More to come soon...

<3

When it rains it pours… and I can assure you… it can goddamn pour.

The last few months of my life in DC can only be described as either a Friday Night Lifetime movie or inspirational material for something great (I'm hoping for the latter). 

In late April, my boyfriend of two years and my cat (Stanley Kubrick) moved to Canada for a job opportunity that honestly could not be passed up. I moved from my large 1 bedroom apartment with a balcony and central a/c in Dupont Circle, to renting a small one bedroom with three other girls up in Woodley Park until I would be financially ready to make the great move North myself. No central a/c, but the girls I live with are absolutely fantastic and you could never meet a more awesome group of chicks.

Then the DC heat wave starts…

By the end of May, after a nice, first visit to Toronto, my boyfriend broke up with me. It was rather funny because it was a combination of both completely unexpected and yet expected. I had really convinced myself that this was the person I wanted to be with and had made decisions to take steps towards that goal. At the same time, I can't help but feel he had checked out quite a long while before and everything that was said since then about love was not necessarily lies, but not the whole truth either. The last time I saw him was prior to the breakup when I was in Toronto. When I was there I said we should wait to go up the CN Tower since there was such a long line and that we could go up next time I came to visit… That's really the only regret I can allow myself to think about these days. To say that I don't get upset sometimes about it all wouldn't be the truth, but prior to him being my lover, he was my friend, and I truly do wish him all the best.

By mid June I was starting to feel off. I had a large lump on the side of my neck my dad kept attributing to me being a cheapskate and not buying a decent pillow (which is true, my pillow was pretty lame). I was always tired and feeling mentally drained, so I went to see a few doctors to figure out what the issue was. 

On June 30, 2010… I was diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma Stage 3B. When I asked if this was something that just came about recently, the doctor explained that it actually probably started back in late Fall 2009. My poor little body was trying so hard to save itself, but it just couldn't fight anymore.

Here I was: 24 years old, living alone in a big city with the nearest family member an hour and a half away, boyfriend broke up with me, no cat, small bedroom with no windows or a/c in one of the hottest recorded summers in DC in over a decade… And now some stranger is telling me I have cancer. 

My response in the doctor's office was a mixture of both crying and laughter. There is no way this is happening. This CAN NOT be happening. I need to wake up! This is a joke! 

"No joke…", the doctor replied. That's when the smile went away and I could only cry. It was quite a lonely metro ride back home that day. To add insult to injury, the escalators were broken at both stations of my trip (of course). 

I started my chemotherapy treatments on July 22. I have to complete 12 infusion sessions. So far I've done 4. After the 6th one they will conduct some more tests and scans to see how things are going. If things are good, that could possibly mean finishing treatment sooner rather than later, so I try to keep a positive outlook on things. 

Please understand, the focus of my writings will not be about dealing with cancer. Although it is important and a part of my life, eventually I will get better. One day, the cancer will be gone and I will go on with my life. I used to be very hesitant talking about it, but now I think if I just come to terms with the fact it is something I am dealing with and one day it will be over, I won't be bothered by it so much. If ever people have questions, I would be more than happy to answer them.

The interesting thing about all this, is right now, at this very moment, I have never felt more free, happy and excited about my life and myself since I can remember. I feel like I've been given a chance to start over, a rebirth of sorts. I've been put into a position to fight for my life in so many ways and I can't lose this opportunity. 

I want to do things that I enjoy and feel are important to me. See concerts and films, travel, learn, write… live. Just Live. That's all I can ask of myself to do.

So, here I go...